I’ve abandoned you, haven’t I?
Look, I came to seek you just right at the time when I’m supposed to do something else.
Some. Things. Else.
Lots of things, actually.
Pathetically taking you for granted, I’m sorry.
I suddenly am reminded of the reason behind my friend’s consistency of pouring her heart out on blog. It’s because all the time she’s been in the middle of doing something she’s supposed to get done. Yet she is escaping. And that’s exactly how our relationship will go on after this, I guess. I shall not treat you as one of those tasks I need to get done. I shall think of you as a way to escape them. Yeah, that’ll work.
There’s this phase once in month (time-span varies) whenever I get down to the state of overly-skeptical-and-cynical-and-pessimistic-about-whatever’s-going-on. At those times, nothing will ever please me better than being locked in my room for days and just lying there on my bed. Cuddling under the blanket. Pretending like everything stays still and nothing keeps on revolving. I won’t be necessarily idling. Perhaps I’ll working on something. Some. Things. Perhaps some things in abundant amount. Like, piles of tasks and assignments that never seem to end, I don’t care. I just crave for that ethereal remoteness and isolation. And for lingering in solitude, in this dimly lit 4×5 meters universe.
It’s unlikely, I know. I can’t just skip classes for a week every month. So there, I go out and pose like any regular routine-confined guy. And there, it renders me prone to utmost degree of sensitivity. Such burdensome cycle.
To be noted of, even though I haven’t got in touch with you for a time that could’ve turned a room cob-webbed and dusty, I’m proud to tell you that I’m currently occupied with consistent process of reading and re-writing! I gather bunch of synopses about films I have never happened to watch, infer what could the story be, and write down what I’ve perceived from diffusing the essential points. Through which I also am being exposed to tremendous amount of stories (yeay!). It really is excruciating though, not being able to write one of my own. Oh, at least I write! I think somehow it also contributes to the emergence of my sudden urge to visit you.
At current moment I’m like stretching both my arms as far as I could. There, that spatial gap between them represents amount of trivial facts and things I’d like to babble about with you, because no one will ever really gets interested in hearing things like that. No one will. Their attempts may be present for the first few minutes, then their eyes will stray away. Torn between hoping that I’ll sense their reluctance and not daring enough to blatantly telling me to stop.
Yet, while I’m thinking of the very next thing I could whine with you about, that alarming sign in the form of yawning strikes. The magic of caffeine is diminishing. I shall make good use of the amount remaining, shan’t I?