“Quick! I am sane now. Every night I am sane. If only I could get out of this enchanted chair, it would last. I should be a man again. But every night they bind me, and so every night my chance is gone. But you are not enemies. I am not your prisoner. Quick! Cut these cords.”
– Prince Rilian, The Chronicles of Narnia #7 (Silver Chair)
These are the times when the mind becomes the wildest. I think of things I should not be thinking about.
It’s been several times that the springing thoughts have been consistently the same.
Everytime I’m on monthly period.
They are of the same roots, they shriek similar spirit, they lament of the same helplessness, they suggests typical escape schemes.
Suggests that I have the rights to do that.
That deed I know I should not be thinking about. I’m living the life everyone should be contented with. Nothing’s wrong, nothing’s been really wrong.
Yet I keep writhing.
The thoughts are decently suppressed when I’m not on period, though.
True, females turn wild indeed whenever they’re going through this hormonal hurricane monthly.
It’s no longer of secrecy that during those evil times they’re biologically not on their own.
Prone to anger, prone to grief, prone to distress.
I recall a certain fellow’s been saying that crying is human’s most primal emotion.
(“You see, that’s why babies cry. We firstly cry,” I could hear him/her saying.)
(I don’t even remember he’s he/she).
Whichever mixture of emotions we’re possessed with every month, we tend to cry.
And nothing’s wrong with that. Basically, our degree of sensitivity just spike beyond level thinkable of those who bear penises and they just have to fucking deal with it. We’re basically overly sensitive to the tiniest turbulence of any things.
Any things, indiscriminately.
But the matter that disturbs me during those times is perpetually the same.
Its consistency irks me. I start to doubt which of us I should believe.
Does the I that emerges during those period is the true I that’s been falsely condemned? (Just like Prince Rilian?)
Is it her thoughts I should’ve believed in?
How would I know.