I was entering and getting out of several realms of dreams.
I felt familiar with one of them.
It was at the wing of stage  where we were performing Shakespeare’s piece back then
I was enclosed in the dark
For a while I was watching the other actors playing their scene on stage
Then I realised my shirt was covered in red stains resembling so much of human blood
I tried to get rid of the shirt in instance,
Putting off my shirt in hurried manner
(It was morning)

26 Nov 2014
losing my sense of time

(Dream) Stockholm-like Syndrome

July 6th, 2014

We were biking through the alley and are running out of time. There were two of us.

In the middle of the alley, there are bunch of bandits who seem disturbed that we passed through them.

They stood up in our way. We were halted.

Before they bombarded us with further questions, I excused ourselves,

“We were going to a friend’s birthday party. Our friend has been waiting for us.”

I was grabbing a crumpled white paper.

“You’re lying. You think we didn’t know?”

“We’re not!” And we quickly got on our bike and pedaled with all our might.

We’re getting at the end of the alley. The end of the alley was sealed with high iron gate, though there was small opening through which one person can pass.

None of the houses on both side of the alley were familiar to me. Which is weird. The house should be around here.

I opened up the crumpled white paper. A rough sketch written with black ink, we were staring at. It was meant to be guiding route. On the middle there was a circle, and an arrow pointing at it.

My heart sunk.

“We took the wrong way,” I said to my friend.

The thought of having to pass the bandits again horrified me.

“We could use this way.” We passed through the small opening of the iron gate.

We pedaled with all our might.

On our way, I caught a glimpse of familiar person from the corner of my eyes.

It was one of the bandits. He’s the one who accused us of lying. He knew. How could he caught up with us so quickly.

He knew I spotted him. He smirked. I looked back to the front. I have to get there in time. Judging from the sky, it must be around 3. Or 4. Until when it opens? I don’t know. I have to get there as fast as possible.

I cheated on the route. He lost us.

We encountered him again. How could he managed to caught up with us so quickly.

Our bike ran side by side. I did almost an acrobatic move and cuddled him.

He was surprised but then again not resisting.

We were arrived at a building. We were at its fourth floor. We got up through the stairs. After the separating door glass, there are rows of desks and chairs, like they had in offices. Desks, without cubicles. People were typing, making calls, hidden behind piles of papers.

I entered.

“Excuse me, may I meet Mr.–?”

“Oh, he hadn’t arrived yet.”

“That’s weird.”

“Yes, he should’ve come. He should collect the—“

“Oh, are we still able to submit the—?”

“Yes, but you should wait until he comes.” So we waited. Outside the office room.

Behind the glass door. One of the staff called my name. He seemed to know me. I can’t remember who he was.

“How do you know me,” I said.

“Mr.— mentioned two writings to me. One is the— about the—. One is writing about India and its landscapes. Animals, topography, and trees, and detailed others. He applauded these two writings. He mentioned your name when telling me about the second writing. You’re the one who write it, right. I read it. It was laudable.”

“No, I don’t,” I recalled this familiar remark. “There’s someone who think of me as the writer, too, few days ago. But I said I don’t write it. I’m not the writer.”

The secretary-like female staff, that sat behind the male staff I was talking with, glanced at me. Her look was not pleasant.


(Dream) How can I pass

July 5th, 2014

I thought it was somewhere on the side of some random train railway. It was night.

On the one side  of the railway, it was the train station. Dim-lighted one.

I was on the other side.
The side, that had stalls of night market, rowing in two opposing rows. The arrangement of the rows created some sort of path leading to a dead-end—because the end of it is the railway.

I was looking for specific thing in this market with my friend—my theatre club mate. He’s the chairman of the theatre club. As usual, he wore black plain shirt along with long black capoeira pants. We were looking for specific something, when he mentioned, “…but we couldn’t pass through. Because of that.”

“That—what?” I said.

He pointed to certain poin in the direction of the railway.

It was night. There’s no sight of train. No road lamp either. Lighting came only from the stalls and the dim-lighted train station.

People were walking to-and-fro freely across the railway. Some were crossing the railway. There’s no sight of train.

I tried looking at the direction he’s pointing at.

“That, what?” Again, I asked.

“Can’t you see the hand–?”

I squinted and I can see—

In between people walking to and fro across the railway, there’s this figure stood out grotesquely.

That thing resembled a cojoined two naked human bodies.
One serves as the lower part: it walked, it carried the other body, but the head was unseen. The other body was carried on the shoulder of the first body, but it only consists of hips downwards—it had no head either. It had penis. And this penis kept on sprinkling sperm to people who’re passing by. Both had pale skin that radiated greenish-white and is luminescent in the lightless night.

I turned my head back. We went to meet our other friend not far from there.
The railway route was formed in u-turn shape. Our friend waited for us at this u-turn point. There’s this dim-lighted public toilet. She sat on the stairs of the public toilet.

She is the chairman’s girlfriend. She was also in her usual attire.

She closed her ears with her hands and closed her eyes very closely.

“Let’s go,” one of us said.

She replied, “How can I pass through if there’s that thing?”

The train came. It took u-turn on a very slow speed.

[Next scene involved the girl lying on the railway. Twice her shirt (along with few lumps of her flesh) stuck in between the train wheel. But she got out alright.]


(Dream) Of Car Crash and Cannibalism

January 27th, 2014

We got on taxi. The driver told my brother to just close the door slowly. (Don’t bang it, he said).

Ends up, it won’t shut properly. I tested it by kicking it open, and it opened easily! I protested at the taxi driver. He look back at us and replied in Thai, but I understand he was saying something like ‘I like it this way’.

Right there and then, the car crashed into something like stone pillar. It crashed right in the middle of the front mirror. The driver and the other person in the front seat (apparently there is), kept on looking back at us, as if not disturbed. As if they intend to do this. And we watch it coming towards in slow mo. The stone pillars and shards of glasses and everything flying around. Everything’s in slow mo. Just like an excerpt from horrific surreal movie.

My brother yelled at my ear, “…get out!” and pushed me aside to the left door.

We move at normal speed. Everything’s still in slow mo.

We pulled over on a highway. We climbed through certain cemented wall separator, as you usually see in construction places. In order to get out. Of here.

Things changed.

Behind that cemented wall separator, lies bunch of creatures whose races and shapes I couldn’t recall. They were something from rat family, though the species varies. They were sort of gathering for some sort informal social chatter.

And I’m one of them.

[I saw the following in the first-person perspective:]
I’m a green-stripped white hamster. And there are other white hamsters, too. One pink-stripped, and other in brown stripes.

There’s this all-brown hamster whose shape differs from us (I felt that we’re all similar, except in colours and size). His (or her?) front teeth were unusually long. We are all had long and big pair of front teeth, but hers  are shaped like two long claws. The length almost exceeded her own height and they seemed to be made of iron (they shone sterling gray, ours were white). She got herself closer to me bit by bit.

And she kissed me.

(Yes, I turned into male).

(How exactly does rat kiss? Mine’s closer to pressing-teeth-against-each-other’s than to kissing)

I went all ‘yuckkk!’. It was forced. She was not the girl that I like either.

Then I turned to this pink hamster that’s been watching me for awhile. She’s much bigger than me in size, I’m aware.

[I switched to third-person perspective, witnessing the following:]

The green hamster gets closer and closer to the pink one. The green hamster’s so diminutive in stature. Its size was perhaps only twice the size pink hamster’s eye. Eventually, they kissed.

The green hamster’s so small that this incident happens:
the green hamster disappeared. Accidentally gulped by the pink hamster. But I know it somehow,

that he was happy.


09.30 AM
on bus, halfway on our way to Udon Thani

Room number 60

Another dream recap.


It was a drawing exam.
In a class that looked just like my classes back in the elementary school.

We used crayon. We scratched like crazy.
The time was unmercifully limited. And running out.

I drew something so big and so badly proportioned and awfully calculated that I need additional paper to draw on.

“But there’s no blank drawing paper left,” the teacher said. And he didn’t even try to seek for another paper. He was rather indifferent.

I panicked.

But then a college friend I just recently get acquainted to handed me his drawing paper.

“You can draw on the back side,” he said.

And so I did.

The time is up. I collected my drawing (and my friend’s) to the front.

After I got out of the class, I just remembered that I forgot to staple (or sellotape) my two separate drawings.

I just wasted one’s kindness with my foolishness.


I reached my dorm, was going to take a bath.

But the electricity was on shortage, so we couldn’t use the shower.

I decided to use a teaspoon to dip the water in order to take the bath

And so did other girls

But there was this girl who borrowed my bathroom, and insisted on using the shower
It apparently was on, functioning properly
And we felt so foolish, wondering why didn’t we try to turn it on

It took awhile for her to take bath. But then it got a little too much awhile. And then too much.
Too long that we wondered what on earth took her that long.

And we knocked on the door. There was no answer.
We knocked harder. Still no answer.

We knocked like crazy.
We screamed for the dorm’s guardian to brought us the spare key.
He couldn’t find it.
We eventually smashed the door.

Room number 60 was not exactly a room.
Its door led directly to a bathroom. But what we found in it startled us more.

The girl was lying on the floor, with face downward, inert. Electrocuted. 
Her long black hair moving in rhythm, according to the flow of water emerging from the shower.
We smelled odour of burnt things. There was burn marks on the glimpse of her face that was visible to our eyes without turning back her corpse. From which the red thick blood kept dripping
and dripping
and dripping…….

dissolving with the flowing water…..


Woken up, I was terrified.
For 60 is the number of my dorm room.

One of few that I could remember so clearly

It’s rather rarely I could remember my dream. It tends to perish within minutes after I wake up. Now that I can recall, guess writing it down wouldn’t be too much of an exaggeration.


I was lying on the bed, there were three of us.
I, my female friend, and a priest.
I forgot what we’re doing back then but then I got so sexually aroused.

And then we stopped, because I and my friend sort of having appointment to attend.
A meeting with another friend.
But I texted the priest, “Do you have other things to do? Mind if I stay with you?”
He replied so nicely that I decided to stay.

My friend fully aware of my intention, said nothing and proceeded going to the house of my other friend

I waited until we (I and the priest) have the moment of two but then there came bunch of guess: a nuclear family consists of a dad, a mom, and two kids. I didn’t know the spouse but those two kids are the sisters of my other female friend. And she was there, too, but apparently not the child of the spouse.

They were having a talk with the priest and by turn borrowing his bathroom to take a bath
They were dressing for some kind of party or invitation they were obligated to attend

And there was an incredibly massive boy who’s having a liposuction and then dropped his sack of fat in the room.
And then left.

I waited and I waited and I waited until we have a moment of two. But people came and went, entering the room turn by turn

So I decided to tell him, despite we were not alone at that moment: there was a girl sitting on the bed.

Before that, I texted my bf: asking the permission for being promiscuous.
He accepted.

And then I told the priest,
“You realise I don’t have any feeling for you, don’t you? I’m just curious of you.”

He seemed neither shocked nor irritated. He asked me to sit on the chair, facing him. He put his hands on the table, making a gesture like a prayer, though his eyes were staring at me.

“Do you know what Sarasvati’s been going through before she acquired the title ‘Goddess of Knowledge’?”

I shook my head.

“She swam by the sea, obligated to seek for A*(SA(Hjkajhsdka when she found………….”

And right at that moment I immersed into the water, swimming between field of algae,
seeking for something,

And I found some sort of fabric that was hardened due to being damped by salty water (?).

On it there was a writing:

“Sex is just a blanket…………………….”

There was other sentence that followed but I couldn’t recall.
All I can remember is that it made me feel ashamed, terribly terribly bad of my former intention.

And I was forgiven.


Fun fact:

Didn’t know anything about Sarasvati besides her being Goddess of Knowledge. Found out that she’s well associated with water and river just now.